The mental load of motherhood: Why it’s real, and what we can do about it
There’s something many of us carry that isn’t often seen. It doesn’t show up in baby photos or milestone trackers, but it’s there, quietly sitting on our shoulders every day. It’s called the mental load, and for many mothers, it feels like it never goes away.
We don’t talk about it enough. We might even question why we feel so exhausted when we “haven’t done much.” But if you’re the one remembering which side baby fed on last, when the milk stash expires, who needs to be at the clinic next week, and when the diapers are running low, you’re carrying it.
And that weight is real.
So what is the mental load?
It’s the ongoing, invisible effort of managing a household, caring for your children, and anticipating everyone’s needs, even before they happen. It’s the emotional and logistical labor that sits quietly behind every action we take.
It’s remembering to label milk bags before freezing.
It’s making sure there’s enough clean bottles for tomorrow.
It’s mentally tracking how much baby has eaten while still preparing dinner, answering messages, and thinking about whether you’re producing enough.
It’s loving so deeply that you feel responsible for everything and everyone.
Why it hits mothers harder
Even with supportive partners or families, the default mental load often still falls on mothers. Not by intention, but by habit, expectation, or simply how things have always been done.
We take it on because we care.
We keep taking it on because we think we should be able to handle it.
And slowly, without noticing, we start to feel burnt out.
So what can we do?
While we can’t remove all the responsibilities that come with motherhood, there are things we can do to make the load lighter:
1. Talk about it
Start with awareness. Share how you’re feeling with your partner, your family, or another mom friend. Sometimes, just naming it helps you breathe a little easier.
2. Delegate when you can
Not everything needs to sit on your shoulders. Share tasks. Let go of things that don’t need to be perfect.
3. Simplify where you can
Sometimes, the solution is in rethinking how we do things. Freeze drying breastmilk, for example, helped me let go of the constant worry around stash management, expiry dates, and freezer space. It gave me room to focus on what really matters, my baby and my peace of mind.
4. Take breaks without guilt
You can’t pour from an empty cup. Even five minutes of quiet can help reset your nervous system. You’re not selfish for taking care of yourself, you’re setting an example of self-respect for your child.
Momma, you’re not alone
If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed or stretched thin lately, know that you’re not imagining it and you’re not alone.
The mental load is heavy, but it doesn’t make you any less strong. It makes you human. And the more we talk about it, the more we can find ways to lift it — together.